Live Blog! 84th Annual Academy Awards

10:40
And that's our show!  This was so much fun!  Aside from Sacha Baron Cohen soiling Seacrest's jacket on the red carpet this was a pretty tame affair, which was probably good for my first rodeo.  I can't wait to do this again now that I have some idea of what I'm doing.  Thank you so much for playing the at home version along with me!

10:36
Aw!  Uggie even looks happy!  

10:35
THE ARTIST!!!!

10:34
And I positively ADORED The Artist so it's screwed, too.

10:34
I LOVED Midnight in Paris and The Help.  Which probably means neither will win.

10:32
Best Picture!  What will it be?  Tom Cruise, who looks much less old lesbianish, is going to tell us!

10:28
Meryl was great, but she's always great.  She wasn't better than Viola & Roons, though.

10:26
Rooney Mara- or "Roons" as I now know to call her- was Lisbeth Salander.  She completely immersed herself in that role.

10:25
Viola Davis's performance made me laugh and broke my heart all at the same time.  

10:24
MR. DARCY!!!!  

10:22
I have thoroughly enjoyed Ellen's JC Penney commercials.

10:20
Uh-oh!  I think Keyboard Karl is in some pain, y'all.

10:19
Anyone else love how he says "Douglas Fairbanks"?

10:16
YAYYY!!! Jean Dujardin wins!!  You handsome devil, you deserved it!

10:15
Natalie, stop clapping into the microphone, sweetie.

10:09
It's Clooney versus Pitt!

10:08
See?!  Movies & Diet Coke go together like peas & carrots!

10:07
What?  No- I just have something in my eye...

10:04
Oh Elizabeth.  The world was a little bit more beautiful with you in it.

10:03
It's now time for the "Here Are All the Newest Dead People" montage. 

9:58
Bry: "Let James Earl Jones say something!"

9:58
She remembered her glasses.  Damn.

9:55
Do we think Meryl is going to say "Shit!" again?!  Place yer bets!

9:53
The Artist is cleaning up tonight! (as well it should)  Would've been fun to yell "SCORSESE!" again, though.

9:50
Gordon Gekko, you've still got it.

9:44
B-ry and I both very much want to see Saving Face now.  

9:42
SCORSESE!

9:40
This is the cutest, sweetest father daughter pair ever!

9:40
All of the Bridesmaids ladies look lovely!  Wiig's dress would've looked better in a different color, though

9:30
Midnight in Paris was amazing so I'm sort of ok with that.

9:29
Come on Kristen Wiig & Annie Mumolo!

9:26
I love the awards for best screenplay!  Without writers, no one in that theater would have a job.

9:24
I'm not a huge Angie fan but she looks pretty hot.  Sticking out the leg was a bit much, though.  We know your dress has a slit.  We don't need to see your ladybusiness.

9:16
Will & Zach- you are two of the wackiest waiters I've ever seen!

9:13
Penelope looks so pretty! 

9:06
This Oikos commercial bugs me.  Who the hells brings yogurt as a hostess gift?!

9:04
Ladies and gentlemen, Keyboard Karl and the Balcony Band!

9:01
Captain Von Trapp FTW!  Good for him!  It's a long time coming.  

8:59
I'm happy for him if he's happy, but I still miss chubby Jonah Hill.

8:58
Ooo!  I like Melissa Leo!  She said a dirty word last year when she won!

8:55
I still can't believe Real Steel did so well. Who'd have thought anyone would like a feature-length film based on Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

8:52
Sweet LORD I want Melissa McCarthy's shoes!  Not so much Emma Stone's dress.  Didn't like it when Nicole Kidman wore it a few years ago & I don't care for it now.  She looks like a kitten.

8:44
And we have shut up music!

8:43
Gwynnie, Gwynnie, Gwynnie.  We need to talk about your ponytail.  Your dress is lovely.  You hair is not. 

8:39
Captain Von Trapp looked like he'd enjoy punching Crystal in the neck after that age crack.  You don't screw with Captain Von Trapp.

8:38
My only complaint- what was up with the random cigarette girl doing a handstand on someone's seat?

8:36
THIS IS A GIANT BOTTLE OF AWESOMESAUCE!

8:34
I'd shank Miss Piggy for her necklace & headband/tiara.  Seriously.  I would.

8:31
I'm hoping this Cirque Du Soleil performance will be a giant bottle of awesomsauce.

8:25
I love that the editing guys called Rooney Mara "The Roons" then said "Eh, let's get outta here.  We're editors."  But mainly the "Roons" part.  I may change my name to "Roons."

8:21
"The Good Witch is a cruel jokester!"

8:14
Now there a chick with a violin in up in the box keep Drum Chick company?  What the hell is going on in that theater?

8:13
Don't give her the shut-up music!

8:11
YES!!!  Octavia Spencer!  I adore her.  She was amazing in The Help.  I think I'm in love.

8:10
Jessica Chastain + Octavia Spencer = Best Onscreen Duo in Ages

8:07
Raise your hand if you saw any of the nominees for Best Foreign Language Film!  Yeah, me neither.

8:05
Did we all just see that lady in the audience doing that weird thing with her teeth?!

8:00
I am really digging the Old Hollywood vibe they've got going tonight!  Lots of reflection about "the good old days" of movie-going (I'm sure as a direct result of the ease & popularity of streaming video content now onto electronic devices) and Old Hollywood-influences in dresses, hair and accessories.  I'm sure the popularity of The Artist had a great deal to do with that.  Whatever the reason, me likey!

7:58
Girls, you so crazy!

7:55
Costume design- tough choice! But The Artist was my personal favorite (which should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me) That seems like a really fun job.

7:53
Cameron Diaz looks awesome! La Lopez...eh.

7:46
I'm confused- why is there a chick playing drums up in one of the boxes?  That seems odd for several reasons.  Those seats could have gone to someone.  Like me.  WASTEFULNESS THY NAME IS OSCAR.

7:43
Robert Richardson (winner for Best Cinematography for Hugo) needs some deep conditioner.  But he keeps it short and sweet.

7:41
Tom Hanks is our first presenter and WHAT THE HELL IS ON HIS FACE?! Ew.

7:37
Okay, Jean Dujardin is just so stupidly, ridiculously handsome.  He was perfectly cast in The Artist. 

7:33
Tom Cruise really is starting to look like an old lesbian.

7:30
Morgan Freeman welcomes us and introduces the show.  This opening montage would be better with less Bieber and more Morgan Freeman clips from his Electric Company days.

Thanks for joining me! Here we go!