It's Enrico Pallazzo!!

My thoughts on last night's version of the Star Spangled Banner as sung (?) by Christina Aguilera, let me share them:

Frank Drebin coulda done it better.



Anyone who has ever taken any kind of music/choir class or has been to school at all in these United States of ours knows that our beloved national anthem is pretty freakin' difficult to sing. I guess that's what happens when you set a poem written by a young patriot whose heart was bursting with pride amid the turmoil of war to the tune of an old British drinking song.

You might be thinking, "Hey, singing at the Superbowl is a lot of pressure!" And I'm sure you're right, it is. However, when singing is your job, you bragged in interviews leading up to the performance about how, yes you are honored, but you've, ya know, been singing the national anthem publicly since you were seven, and you generally just sorta stroll around with a case of the smugs because you are XTINA and you once ROCKED ASSLESS CHAPS DAMMIT, well...you might ruffle a few feathers.

Granted, she's not the first to screw up the most sacred and beloved of American tunes. Robert Goulet famously jacked up the lyrics when he sang the Star Spangled Banner prior to Muhammed Ali fighting Sonny Liston in '65. In my opinion, The Goulet (may you and your sweet, sweet mustache rest in peace) deserves a bit more leeway due to the fact that a.) he had never performed the song in public before and b.) dude was Canadian! He didn't grow up singing it at every. school. program. and. sporting. event. ever.

I would also like to add that no one will ever surpass Whitney Houston's rendition at Superbowl XXV back in 1991. Had she not eaten (or smoked) (or snorted) (whatever) a giant bowl of crazy a few years back I would adamantly lobby for her to sing it every time.

That's how it's done, y'all.

Now at this point you may be asking, "Hey, Dara! You think you could do better?!" And the answer would be: nope. Sure don't. The only people who enjoy my singing voice are my 2 year old niece and my nearly 89-year-old grandmother (who lacks some street cred because she's known me for all of my nearly 32 years and suddenly decided this past Thanksgiving that my eyes are brown then argued with me about it at the dinner table) (hint: they're green...very green). But singing and performing and having to buy giant yachts constructed from sheets of money to carry around all the money you make from singing and performing comes with certain responsibilities. Like, I don't know, remembering the lyrics to our national anthem when you are performing it at one of -if not the- most anticipated, attended and viewed sporting events of the year. Scaling back on the smug might help, too.

Also, the halftime show blew. Slash, you are now dead to me.